Coming soon, we think...

Hey girls,

Daddy just felt like writing you. It's after midnight now on December 30th night. It's now officially New Years Eve and It won't be long until you're here. Tonight was fun. I took some video of you guys moving around inside of Mommy. Audrey, girl you are bouncing! Slow your roll. Haha. Bailey, it's so cool to see your tiny little head and arm roll around. This is such a special moment in our lives. Mommy is about as pregnant as she's going to get. She's beautiful. I'm honored to be her husband. I pray you girls are sweet, lovely ladies like her. She is an amazing woman and you better appreciate her. If you take nothing else from all that I've written, love your mother and be thankful.

Mommy has contractions all throughout the day at this point in the pregnancy. Some really hurt. Others aren't as bad. That's per Mommy. You guys kind of push out in opposite directions. It can be tough determining what's a contraction and what's just you guys being rowdy. We're so anxious to have you here. It's not like we're going to lose anymore sleep than we already do. Mommy isn't sleeping. She can't really lay on her sides, or her back, or her stomach. She has seriously slept halfway sitting up. Whatever works. I'm in "ready" mode. I hear a bump in the night and I think it's go time. I hear grunts. I wake up. I lie awake and think about you and Mommy. Like I am doing right now. Mommy is trying to sleep and I'm too excited to go to sleep because you are coming soon (and college football is on).

I pray for you guys and Mommy. I love our family. We may not have all of the finest things and our house is going to be snug for a while but there's NOTHING we can't do. With God and hard work. We will go through every moment of it together. I'm sure Mommy will show you how to be a lady. Daddy will show you how to be a corny goofball (I'm good at that). You will never not feel loved. You and your brothers are everything to me and Mommy. I better lay down now. What if tonight's the night? I have to be of as clear of mind and focused as ever to make sure everything goes as smooth as possible. When it's the time... Know this, when I put down this tablet, I'm kissing the loves of my life through the love of my life's skin. I'll say your prayers with you. I hope you rest for Mommy. I'll be right there beside you. Goodnight my angels.

35 Weeks

We arrived for our 2:00 appointment at 1:45. KARYN WAS EARLY!!! If you know her, you know that never happens. She left work earlier than she usually does because it's cold and rainy out. She was allowing extra time to be extra safe. HUGE shout out to her for this. So so so very proud of her.

We just thought to ask if her doctor's office validates parking. They don't. I joked with the receptionist that I was surprised we're not being double charged for parking since she's carrying twins. The lady joked back that I probably shouldn't give them that idea. We're sitting in this, all too familiar, waiting room with 8 pregnant women and 2 dads (including myself). With today's check in, I became Mayor of Ft. Sanders Hospital on Foursquare. About time. I plan on holding that title for a while. With us now on weekly visits and getting close to time for delivery, I will be here often. There's a lot of grunting from the pregnant women in here. It's not just my wife. I can hear 1 lady telling another that she's pregnant with her 1st and she's so uncomfortable. My wife is carrying twice the babies and a thyroid tumor. My wife is tougher than any woman I know. She's my hero. So proud of her. We're waiting on the nurse to call her name and they better hurry. She's holding in a full bladder, waiting to give a sample. I have a feeling it's going to look like her water broke in the waiting room soon. I went to the receptionist and they went ahead and gave her a cup and off she goes! I'm alone in the waiting room now hearing words like cervix and uterus from the women around me. It doesn't even bother me anymore. I'm a pro at this by now. I've heard it all.

We get called back and they weigh her and took her blood pressure. All good. They're doing a swab today to see if she needs antibiotics at birth. We've never seen this nurse before and she's not real nice. I guess they can't all be gumdrops. From where I'm sitting, I can see something that looks like a pipe cleaner, on the floor, hanging half way out from under the table my wife is sitting on. I will find out what that is because it's gross if it's used. Even if it's not, eww. Thought about testing my blood pressure while we wait. I didn't. You wouldn't believe some of the things I do in these rooms while waiting on the doctors. I don't do anything that doesn't make Karyn laugh hysterically. K is getting restless wanting the doctor to hurry up. If she asks me to push the nurse button on the wall one more time, I'm going to do it. She's getting uncomfortable sitting on the table. She's never comfortable anywhere, anytime, in any position, anymore. As you can imagine, it's painful. She is ready for the baby girls to get here. So am I. Not just for selfish reasons, either. I hate seeing my wife suffer. That part sucks but it's for a great reason. A great blessing.

The doctor came in. It's not Karyn's regular doctor. An older lady who we find out has twin 23 year olds. I feel like we're in good hands. She asked the normal questions, "How do you feel?"Karyn laughs. "Notice anything different? Are you sleeping?" Karyn laughs. I love this about my wife. She's very lighthearted. She could have rattled off a list like the lady in the waiting room. She didn't. I have to tell the doctor all of what ailes my wife. Like she has 1 swollen ankle. Normal. Babies could be just leaning to one side. Elevate and drink plenty of water. I won't go into all of our questions. Some were answered. Some weren't. Some are just wait and see. The first question the nurse asked Karyn was the most difficult to answer. "Are you ready?" .......... Are we? Probably not because nobody ever is. We're as ready as we're going to be. We've been preparing mentally while K's body prepares physically for weeks. The doc checked my wife's cervix. Still closed but said with both little ladies breached (head up high, feet down low), that would be likely. We're not really waiting on her water to break. It could happen but when her body says "labor time", it's time. They won't stop labor after 36 weeks. It's the doctor on call's call between now and next Wednesday, if it starts. We, of course, have mixed feelings. Want them to stay in there and grow as much as possible but not break Mommy in half. There's a lot of baby in there already.

We go back next Tuesday for the 36 week visit. AND ULTRASOUND! Will be cool to know how much Daddy's princesses weigh. If they stay in there that long. Karyn's holding up pretty well considering. She's tired a lot, as expected. She's not sleeping much at night. I never know where I'll find her crashed out. Couch or bed. The doctor today told her to try and sleep in the recliner. If that works, you know what that means... I get the bed to myself. I will spread my wings and sleep like I've dreamed about for weeks. Kidding (kind of). I will miss my little angels kicking ME through Mommy and of course, Mommy's snoring. We celebrated our new babies first Christmas and now we look forward to a new year... as proud parents of twin girls. We love you Audrey and Bailey and we'll see you soon! Praying often for our growing family. Thankful.

I Hope

I hope you travel. I hope you always keep your roots. I hope you feel blessed in your circumstance. I hope you find your truth. I hope I guide you right. I hope I never fail you. I hope you'll understand and forgive me when I do. I cherish every moment. I hope you know I love you. I hope you read this often. I hope you know it's true.

Daddy

34 weeks

We originally had an 11:30 appointment so I took a 1/2 day off. Karyn's coworker had made plans a month in advance to not be in the office but K forgot with so much going on. We changed our appointment to 3:30 so I had some time to waste around downtown Knoxville. I went to a little store called Mast. It's one of my favorites. I had a gift card so I took the time to finish up some Christmas shopping. Once I escaped the store (I say escaped because it is less than a week until Christmas and people are crazy), I decided to grab some lunch. So here I am. Eating sushi and writing this blog post.

This appointment is just a checkup and we most likely won't get an ultrasound. We do have a lot of questions. Karyn has been having a lot of painful contractions and so we want a professional opinion. She is as tough as nails so it's hard to gauge what's Braxton Hicks and what's really real. I truly believe the babies will be on their way out and she'll think it's gas. She still hasn't been sleeping much. Audrey and Bailey are trying to push their way out. I took a video of her stomach a couple nights ago and you can see the girls rolling around inside of her. It's an amazing sight. I don't see how anyone could see such a sight and deny the existence of God. It's such a miracle and I'm thankful to be a part of it.

I arrived in the parking garage at the hospital about 2:45. Still 45 minutes until our scheduled appointment. Karyn won't be here for a while. I usually just hang out until she gets here but since I've been fighting off a cold/flu, I will take this opportunity to catch a little nap.

The nap didn't happen but oh well. Here we are. In the doctor's waiting room. Waiting for my lovely wife's name to be called. With as much money as we're paying this place, they should at least offer wifi. I like to stay connected. It's 3:35 right now. There's a few other women in here. One expecting mother is rocking a shirt that says "Tis the season to be pregnant.". It would appear to be the case. I notice every pregnant woman right now. Mostly because I fear them. I don't care how insensitive it sounds, hormonal women are nuts. There's only one other confused looking dad so we're greatly outnumbered. Dr. Phil is on the TV again. It makes me glad I usually work at this time of day. His voice reminds me of a penguin in pain. Speaking of penguins... time to waddle on back. I'm hoping they want a sample from me because I have to pee.

They didn't want that sample. Of course. They were kind enough to let me use the restroom so we're both good to go now. They weighed my bride, took her pee sample, and sent us on to exam room 5. They checked Karyn's blood pressure. Looked good. We discussed contractions with our nurse. We struggle with what's a contraction and what's not. I asked if we could take one of the little machines home that monitor contractions. They said no. Probably best since they would charge us twice for it. Yes, I did say that to them. The nurse left and now we're waiting on the doctor. We're seeing a different doctor today. Karyn's regular doctor is on vacation. Better now than for the delivery. There's a good chance Karyn's doctor won't deliver the twins. It'll be whomever is on call when she goes. Karyn hasn't come to terms with this yet but she will. When it happens. She said she's going to have the babies on Friday, January 6. She says her doctor will be available then. No idea how she knows this but I believe her.

The doctor came in. A lady we've never seen before. She saw that we mentioned contractions so she wanted to do a test that will tell us if she's likely to go into labor within the next 2 weeks. It'll be a couple hours for the results and we're not waiting here for them. They will call us after hours. I should be able to include the results before posting this blog. The doctor said Karyn's cervix is still closed so that's good news. She said the pains could be just the active twins instead of contractions and the main thing to look for is water breakage or spotting. We'll be on the lookout. That can be tough, Karyn said, because of middle of the night potty breaks. There are a lot of those done in the dark. What part of this whole process isn't a challenge? A wonderful, exciting, breath-taking challenge. We love it. Through ups and downs, we wouldn't trade a second of it.

We will now be making weekly doctor visits since we're getting closer. Next Tuesday is our next. Everything is going great. Keep those prayers coming. I will keep taking care of Mommy (when she's not trying to take care of one of us) while my babies grow stronger. Every day is a blessing. We're so thankful.

((Update: the nurse called with the results of the test to see if she's within 2 weeks of going into labor. She said negative. BUT with twins, it can change at anytime. We'll be on the lookout for her wetting herself (or other signs). That moment when we know. We'll keep you posted.))

Anytime

We're getting close. We can feel it. Well, Karyn feels it and I sense that she feels it. It won't be long now until we have 2 new additions to our family. Recently, the twins have changed positions in Mommy's belly. They are a little lower than they have been. She's constantly getting kicked down low. Several times a day, I can hear her cry out from the pressure and the kicks. I feel helpless. As a man, I want to be a problem solver and right now, there's not much I can do. I can just try to make her as comfortable as possible. I try to. I'm happy to take on more responsibility so that she can relax more. I was massaging her legs when they cramped but I read that you're not supposed to do that. Something about possible blood clots, so I stopped. I was dreaming about massaging her legs and would wake up in the middle of the night and find myself doing it in my sleep. She said she didn't notice but I thought that was pretty funny.

Karyn isn't sleeping hardly at all. She's uncomfortable all the time but especially at night. When she does get comfortable, she's up all night peeing. She's hoping that Audrey and Bailey hurry up and come. I am as well but we also want them to be good and healthy when they get here. You hear a lot of stories about twins coming early and having to spend extra time in the hospital. We don't want that if we can avoid it. The faster we get them in their pretty nursery after they're born, the better. I asked the doctor if I could cut the umbilical cords but since it's a c-section that she will have, he said no. There's an issue with everything being sterile and they can't risk any unnecessary germs. I'm a pretty clean individual but I guess that doesn't matter. I understand.

My friends at work recently threw us a baby shower. It was awesome. I can't even describe how appreciative we are. My work family is a true blessing. Karyn was able to come over to my work so it wasn't just me, a man, sitting there clueless. Everybody talked about how beautiful Karyn is and how great she looks to be carrying 2 babies. She looks better than most women who are only carrying 1. I am biased but she is the most beautiful woman in the world and I'm proud to call her my wife. One of my best friends in the world, Nikki Kim, helped plan the shower and I can't thank her enough. It was a good mix of pink and my favorite color, orange. Nikki's mom actually took some of Nikki's stuff to make these cool lollipops from orange baby washcloths. They were so cool. There were plenty of cookies, candy, and a beautiful cake with 2 little plastic babies on top. The dolls were on top of little blankets with "A" and "B" on them. I'll probably include some of the cards and well wishes in this book I'm putting together for my girls. Again, thank you to those who participated. We love you guys.

I took the boys to the Maryville Christmas parade over the weekend. We had a blast and the boys got tons of candy that was thrown from floats. We're doing what we can to get in the Christmas spirit. We put up our family Christmas tree and even added a little ornament for Audrey and Bailey. We played Christmas music and sipped egg nog. This has to be the strangest Christmas season I've ever experienced. I don't mean that in a bad way. It's absolutely wonderful. Just different and strange. We're doing most of our Christmas shopping online so we don't have to have Karyn out moving around more than what's necessary. In a way, our situation feels like Christmas. As a child lays awake Christmas eve waiting on Santa to arrive. We too lay awake. We're waiting on our tiny little gifts from God. They will be here before we know it. I only wish someone could tell us how many "sleeps" until we get our gifts.

We go back to the baby doctor on December 20. The 34 week checkup. The one the doctor called a "win". We won't get another ultrasound until 36 weeks (if she makes it that long). We hope she carries them as long as she can, comfortably. It won't be long until I have my babies in my arms. I'm so excited! I know Karyn, Jay, and Isaiah are too. Our family is really about to grow. No news on Karyn's thyroid. There won't be until after the twins are here. Please keep our family in your prayers. We thank you.

Your Room

I'm sitting in your room
In this rocking chair
Thinking about you
Wish you were here

All pretty in pink
Dressed up for you
Sure hope you like it
We certainly do

There's a crib and some diapers
And your names on the wall
Some thingies from friends
Who knows what they're called

We painted the walls
Steam cleaned the floors
We're waiting for you
It'll all be yours

You are 32 1/2 weeks
Mommy's still growing strong
She looks so beautiful
In your future home

I picture you playing
With dollies and such
I haven't even seen you
But love you so much

I'll take care of Mommy
While she takes care of you
This rocking chair hurts
I'm leaving your room

32 Week Check Up

We have an appointment at 1. I got here at 12:44. I'm waiting on mommy to arrive. I'm sitting in the warm lobby staring out the window. I always try to go out and greet her and help her in when she arrives. We get to have an ultrasound and we want the doctor to check her cervix. Karyn has been curious to know if she is dilated. I too am curious. We are looking for any signs that "go time"could be close. I have a bunch of questions for the doctor. I always do. Things come up in between visits and I try to keep notes so I don't forget anything. We have a nurse line that we can call at anytime if we do forget to ask something. Thank God for nurses! They do more than doctors throughout pregnancies, truth be told.

My bride arrived about 1:10ish. We check in and sit down. The waiting room is decorated for Christmas. It's really calming and beautiful. It smells of pregnant women and anxious daddies. I love it. This is such a great feeling. The opportunity to go through this with my wife is such a blessing. God is great.

They call us back to the ultrasound room and have Karyn lay down and squirted a gallon of lube on her belly. The ultrasound tech looked at Bailey first since she was in such a great position. She looks so pretty, even in black and white. They measured her head and legs and all the good stuff. She looks great! She tried to scan for Audrey with Karyn lying on her back but she was all balled up in a sleeping position. With it being so cold and rainy outside, I would be too. The tech had her lay on her side and was able to get great pics of my beautiful Audrey. They scanned all of the good stuff and everything looked great! We were able to get pics printed of both the front of their faces and both of their profiles. I tried to get a pic of the tech administrating the ultrasound but apparently there is a rule against it. I took some without her knowing. I'm a bad boy. We finished up and Karyn got dressed and situated. They had her go into the bathroom to get a pee sample. While in there, I was chatting with the nurses. I found out they had Karyn scheduled with a different doctor. She's very particular about her doctor. I had her nurse check to see if we could see her doctor and they had an opening. Yay! I'm good for something.

The nurse came in and checked her blood pressure. It's good. Audrey weighs 3lbs 15ozs and Bailey weighs 4 lbs. Neck and neck still! Bailey has moved to the side a bit so now they're side by side. Both breach so 0% chance of a vaginal birth. It will be a C-section. That was expected and now it's guaranteed. They give us percentiles but they are based on 1 child being in the womb so we take them with a grain of salt.

We have to wait for the doctor for a little while since we weren't originally scheduled with him. While we waited we sent some pics to Nana and Grammy. We also chatted about what we saw in the ultrasound and how we like the other tech a lot better. This one wasn't as friendly. The doctor finally came in. Basically, my wife has 8 lbs of baby right now. That. Is. Awesome. The doctor was very impressed. They are exactly where they need to be. I told the doctor that she knows how to grow them. We asked him to check her cervix for our own piece of mind.

He left while my wife got ready (I moved my chair to the head of the bed for obvious reasons). He came back in and checked her. He said she's thinning but not dilated yet. I asked if intercourse was still ok. He said "It's up to you guys but 8 lbs of babies, you may need to be acrobats." LOL! He said at this point, we may want to avoid anything that would encourage contractions. So... No more of that kind of lovin. He said if we make it 2 more weeks, it's a win. 36 weeks is a HUGE win. That's what we are shooting for. healthy babies at (at least) 36 weeks. We'll be past Christmas and ready to bring our princesses home.

Wouldn't it be cool if they were the first babies born in 2012? I think so. Only God knows when they will come. I'm happy to let Him lead. I just want a couple healthy baby girls. I'm too excited for words. We go back to the doctor in 2 weeks. No more ultrasounds until 36 weeks (God willing). Keep those prayers going up! We need them.

Anxious

OK... Not gonna lie... I'm so anxious for my girls to get here. I know that they need to stay in there as long as possible. I'm just saying, for selfish reasons, I want to hold them. Kiss the soft hair on their heads. Tell them in person that I love them. Patience, Jason. Patience.

I think about them all the time. What they'll be like. Who they'll resemble the most (Say me. Even if it is Karyn, lie to me. This is the only time it's ok). I can't wait to see my beautiful wife hold our little girls. All of these preparations have me going nuts.

We're at 32 weeks and we go to the doctor tomorrow. I can't wait to see my baby girls. Even if it's only through an ultrasound. Seriously though, I would like the twins to weigh 5 1/2 - 6 lbs, at least, when they're born. I want them to be good and healthy. Karyn said, "That's 12 POUNDS of baby!!!". I can't argue with that! Haha. She's doing great. We'll see. Only God knows.

P.S. The names on the wall in the picture were painted by my wife's sister in law, April Faulk. How awesome are those! The butterfly is actually a rug. Fits perfectly there IMO.

Preparations

It's been a stressful couple of weeks at the Smith house. We're trying to get everything ready for our little additions. Emotions are running high. Christmas is just a few weeks away but its hard to focus on anything other than the pregnancy. So much to plan. My mom (Nana) and my sister in law threw Karyn a baby shower and to Karyn's surprise, her mom (Grammy) and sister came. They flew down from Boston for it. I know how special that was for my wife. Very cool that they could come. I want to say thank you to everyone who spent the time and money to help us prepare for the little ones. It means a lot. Our families rock. God and family are the greatest gifts. Even if you don't always get along, you only get one set. Sometimes you have to bite your tongue. Sometimes you won't be able to. When that happens, you ask for forgiveness and move on. Love your family but stand for something. You can always find common ground.

We visited the specialist for my wife's thyroid tumor a few days ago. There isn't a lot he could tell us. They really won't know until they get in there how serious it is. I can tell you, it's VERY serious to us already. Like someone told me, "It's only minor surgery if it isn't happening to you." That's the truth. My wife has kept her sanity through all of this better than I have. I worry a lot about her and our family. My faith in God is very strong but I am weak. I'm emotional just writing this. In the end, I know everything will work out and God has His plan. We won't go back to the specialist until after the babies are born and she has the surgery. Pray for my beautiful wife's speedy recovery. I know I will.

I don't think my wife and I have slept a whole night in weeks. It wears on you. I know what she's doing is special. I've been told (repeatedly) that I don't, and never will, understand what she is going though. This is true. Nobody does, or ever will, unless they have carried twins while battling a thyroid tumor. She's an incredible woman. The strongest that I know. While I have never felt the hormone changes, the leg cramps, and the constant pressure on my bladder of a tiny being (2 tiny beings), I've been there to support her every step of the way. I try to take as much responsibility off of her as possible. I even massage her legs in the middle of the night. I love her so much. We have a great relationship and I'm so thankful for her. People on the outside looking in will never understand it. I joke with her and she jokes with me. She's a little more private than I am. We even have our own ways of venting frustration. I sometimes look like a jerk to those not in the know and that's OK. I'm going to be me. There's a reason that my wife fell in love with me so why would I want to change it? I've always heard and am happy to share with my little princesses this bit of advice. "If it ain't your tail, don't wag it." It means to mind your own business because you never know what someone is going through and if you respond in a negative way, it could be the last straw. Instead, be supportive and offer guidance. That's what a Christian is supposed to do.

My friend and coworker, Darrin Perryman, knew I was having a tough week and sent me a message with a couple bible verses. Isaiah 41:10 "Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness." and Romans 5:3-5 "And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope: And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us." Yes sir. That's what I needed. I often take the Word of God for granted. Sitting there looking at those words, and what they mean, gives me comfort. I'm so blessed. I've thanked God several times this week for all of these things that I was complaining about. Thank you Darrin for giving me the scripture I needed to get me back to where I needed to be mentally.

We've painted the nursery and set up the crib. We added some stuff to the walls but still have a lot to do. The rocking chair Grammy gave Karyn when she was pregnant with Isaiah has been placed in just the right spot. I can truly say that a lot of blood, sweat, and tears went into it but it's a labor of love. We have the boys settled in a room together and they're enjoying the bunk beds. Nana came over with my little sisters, Kayela and Kayelene, and they cleaned the carpets and helped Karyn organize the babies' clothes. So thankful for their help. My wife said it's like the Christmas parade getting you in the holiday spirit. The nursery has us in the newborn care giving spirit.

We go back to the baby doctor in 5 short days and we get another ultrasound. Yay! I'm excited to see my little dolls and find out how much they have grown. I'll keep taking care of Mommy and giving her lots of love. I'll keep saying bedtime prayers with the little ones in her tummy. I'll keep striving to be the best daddy I can be to Isaiah and Jason. Last but certainly not least, I will continue to trust God to guide me in the right direction to carry out His plans. Everything else will fall into place. Thank you for your continued prayers. They are appreciated.